I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
