I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
