Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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