I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
