I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
