Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
