so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
