Tell her she can't have a vagina
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
