im having a threesome with these popsicles
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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