it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i drank out of a bidet.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
