you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
