Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
