a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
