I skipped work to stalk him.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize