I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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