Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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