i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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