Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Michael Bay diarrhea
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
