you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So vagazzling was a success
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
