She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
