My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
