I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
