My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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