I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
