Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
