the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
