Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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