I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
