guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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