if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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