So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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