Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
