and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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