someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
