There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
