Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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