I wanna passion pit in your ass
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
