my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
