im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
