I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
