If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
