she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
