Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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