"it" just moved
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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