You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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