I accidentally had phone sex last night
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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