how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
