I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
