i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
