I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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