Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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