So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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