She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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