Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
please come you make the beer taste better
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
