I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
