i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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