its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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