Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
