Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
