Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
