This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Im part way to drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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