Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
