Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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